Tired, Homesick, Sick to my stomach, ugh-Vegas

Someone I don't know said something so profound and suitable, that she could have been speaking to me directly and personally. "There is a point in which grief becomes absurd". The great lengths I have gone through to grieve various parts of my life and the abuse I have tolerated from myself is, well...absurd. The universe brings you what you need or what you need to hear.

I have had friends my entire life, some better than others, but always I have easily made friends. It has taken 36 years, but I feel great about allowing my friends to love and support me unconditionally. They are the family I chose or who have chosen me. Much like my husband, who has loved me through my growth and maturity, so have my friends. Until now, I did not thoroughly understand that I can be loved without a self serving motive.

I am missing my daughter's kindergarten graduation today and it is breaking my heart. I want to celebrate every milestone for her and to make up for those that were stolen from me through the death of Mackenzie. I am so proud of my girl and hope she feels that every day, no matter her choices. I am going through some things with my own mother that reinforce my need to do my relationship with Little so differently. Part of why I am missing her event is in an effort to create the woman I know my daughter will need me to be. Everything I do is for myself, my husband, and my Little and I feel so satisfied being a Threesome. Being away from them makes me less than whole in my heart and soul.

In Vegas and getting ready to take a certification exam. I am trying to let go of the outcome and be present. Oddly, I am looking forward to running outside, although it will be hot. There is something about purging toxins through sweat that appeals to me.

I shit the bed...Ok, not literally! I have a massive headache. I've eaten like crap & lots of it. I deserve this damn headache. I need to stop this...it is finals!

May Has Already Made Me Tired

Ok, so May is a disaster for me. My right hand man has been on vacation and my left hand has been out with pneumonia. I worked 11 days in a row and got batty! Finals are this week and then I have to study for a certification exam that I am taking in Vegas on May 27th. So, I will spend Memorial Weekend packing as I leave on the 26t, and studying as I have to have 80% to pass the test. School starts again the first week of June, my new boss starts June 1st, and my in-laws are coming. No, I am not back to running and yes, I suck - but I am still losing weight. I get my numbers checked again on Monday and will update the news, though it usually takes a week.

Cast Away

I have not gone away and I am not done with my journey. I am, however, working every day due to unfortunate circumstances and allowing my favorite person to take a damn vacation.
I am also trying to finish this quarter successfully. I have finals next week. I am also trying to study for a certification exam I am taking on May 27th in Las Vegas. I am also trying to getting healthy, sleep enough, eat right, and not lose my mind. Ok, maybe I have gone away a little, but I will be back. Promise!