The right people in the right place at the right time using the right process equates to the right solution.

I am having an interesting week on so many levels. Because it is an event week, a real post will have to wait.

Too High, Too Low

So, last week I went back to the doctor to get my labs drawn again. Today, I found out that the numbers have not moved. I have eaten right, I have started exercising again, I am taking all of my medication and still those freaking numbers have not moved. My sugar is still too high and my thyroid is still too low. I'm throwing a damn fit. If it does not matter if I eat right or not, then I want some onion rings and pasta and a chili dog and a chocolate shake and a Pepsi. Seriously.

G continues to remind me that I am losing weight, even though Dr. Genius says I should not be with my thyroid levels as low as they are and that I should stay the course. UGH! So let's focus on the 15 pounds and 8 inches I have lost thus far - I guess!

There is always next week.....

So, as you can see, I have figured out how to send mini updates via my mobile device and will do so, as long as you do not expect me to post yards and yards of my brilliance via text. Just not happening. But that explains the short posts without title.

My week is over and I could not be happier. Next week is an event week and so I am off campus and no where near my department. So the thing is that I love my staff - well most of my staff and two of my colleagues are great. Unfortunately, this happiness is over shadowed by the half wits that I spend too much time arguing with over really stupid decisions. So maybe it is just me, but when you take a position in management in any organization, the objective is to make the best decisions for the business as a whole and not for your tiny island unto its own. It is to look at things from a wider lens and not run your own agenda. I am just saying.....

So, I went back to the doctor this week and things seem like they may not be completely resolved yet. I am also feeling easily aggravated and frustrated, but of course, it could be my professional environment too. Stay tuned for more craziness......

It hurts my soul when my daughter cries- especially when she is having nightmares!

Boobs and Hair

Even though I am a pretty private person when it comes to my own weight loss journey (well ok, in person), the fact that I am getting smaller everyday does not escape the people I see on a daily basis. Even more so, there are people who see me every other day or so and those people can really see a difference. Unfortunately, I have gone to that place in my head where I am no longer losing weight and am instead gaining it all back and then some. I know, crazy.

Anyhow, I have been asked by a couple of the men if my husband is the jealous type and what kind of reaction he is having to my losses. My husband is not the jealous type in that he knows I am dedicated to our marriage and am in the best place with him possible. The thing he always says when we talk about this is that men pay attention to me now because I have a dynamic personality and am what he describes as flirty and I classify as friendly. Of course, I would not know someone was flirting or interested in me unless they hit me over the head with something. Not that it matters since I am in love with my husband and no one has ever loved me as well as he has. He has loved me back to health.

The other interesting thing is that I have a lot more weight to lose - I mean a lot more. There are men out there that like a curvy woman and Hispanic men seem to fall into this category. So I have one man who is very concerned that I am going to lose too much weight and lose the parts that make me a girl. I laugh at this because even at my thinnest, I was nothing more than boobs and hair - after all, it was the 80's.

Updates

So I thought I would update a bit as I am all over the place lately. First off, we have not heard from the school district regarding Little's test. This frustrates me quite a bit in that, 1) we are anxious to hear what they have to say and 2) we need to plan our next move whether she passed or not. I have gotten several comments regarding the required 98% passing grade. The consensus is that it is ridiculous, but as this is a brand new program for the district, they are grasping at straws. I have left a message and intend on calling the Superintendent next week to discuss the lack of communication and the experience we have had thus far.

Next on the list is the search for my new boss. The candidate we interviewed last week is not being considered by my organization and we are on to the next candidate - who we will interview this week. This whole process is tiring and I just need some stability in my department. I also need some mentoring and some growth opportunity, which I am not getting.

On to my weight, I neither gained nor lost weight this week and feel like I am wholly responsible for the stall in that I have not followed my program to the letter. I have eaten out a bunch this week and probably have had more sugar & salt than I needed to consume. To be perfectly honest, I ate some ice cream - and felt like crap afterwards. In staying with the theme of things I did not do well this week, my exercise routine was not existent - with the exception of a nice walk on Friday. I need to swim and walk and bike if I really want to be considered for the Tri for the Cure.

A Rocking Day

Welcome Back Boys of Summer! And what a welcome it was for our own Colorado Rockies. Ah, I love baseball and one day, one day I will have a seat at Opening Day. Not that I have ever tried to get tickets for Opening Day, but one day soon, I will have the inkling to want to sit for that first game and watch my Rockies start off their season. Interestingly enough, most of the men I have loved in my life have played baseball - in fact, there are only two exceptions. More than any other sport, I love to be there. This year, no beer, no hot dogs, no peanuts - but no matter. It's all about the game.

In other news, Little was a pill today. Not sure what her deal was, except that someone must have paid her off to make me crazy. She never acts like this, so when she does, it is just overly painful and frustrating. I planned a day of breakfast, a walk, Starbucks, and the library. Ok, so all of that happened, but not smoothly. Breakfast was fine. Then I had the audacity to ask the child to pick up her room while I got dressed for our walk. Didn't happen, but there were tears. The walk consisted of her riding her bike and stopping every time she thought she was going to fast and then struggling to start again. Ok, off to Starbucks, where hot chocolate was not enough, she wanted to argue about having a cookie and threw a little fit. I should have taken the clue and whisked her home, but no, off to the Library where she refused to look at books, refused to sit down and read the books I got, and threw a rather loud fit all the way to the car. At home, she got lunch and a nap - which of course, she did not take, singing in her bed for an hour and a half instead. So, in the end, you win some and you lose some.

The Hunt for.....

So the hunt for my next boss continues. We interviewed a candidate yesterday who was nice enough, but not the "right stuff". I was having a conversation with my colleague who was asking me why I felt that way. To be perfectly honest, I did not think the candidate had anything to offer me, to which my colleague responded "Who does?" So this got me thinking. There are people who inspire me. They make me want to be a better person. To learn more and to make better decisions. Not because I am not interested in doing those things naturally, but because I do not have all the answers, nor is anyone asking me the questions that make me grow. I am capable of being impressed. I am capable of being inspired. I am capable of growing and gaining and moving outside of my own comfort zone so that I can move outside of my current capabilities and expand my experience. The hunt continues......

14 Down, Oh so many to go.......

So I have been on this eating plan for four weeks now (apparently the detox week doesn't count) and have lost almost 15 pounds. My goal is to get closer to 20 pounds lost this week. I am not sure if it is possible to lost a little more than 5 pounds before Saturday, but I am going to try to add some exercise towards the end of the week. I am starting to get my energy back, which is great since it is too early for my thyroid medicine to be actually working. I have another 2-4 weeks before that will work. My husband is suggesting that I start strength training and so I think swimming will provide both cardio and strength training. He knows I want to run - I just want to run. Patience is a virtue - if only I had that virtue!

From Kindergarten to College in a Blink of an Eye

She took the woman's hand and began to walk away from us. She was brave and excited and just went. My eyes welled up with tears as I saw her go. In her pink and black panda bear shirt, black skirt, black tights, and black converse tennis shoes that she tied herself. She had me braid a piece of her hair this morning. She carried her snacks in her penguin backpack and her Disney Princess Sigg bottle with water. She will be gone for two hours, with a woman I don't know, testing to see what grade she will enter in the Fall. I watched her until I could not see her anymore. I had been directed to the lobby, but was torn between running after her and persuading myself to be the adult. My husband could sense my impending breakdown. Gently, he took my hand and asked if I was ok. He led me to the lobby and sat me in a chair. When the secretary came out to check on us, he did the talking-explaining that she was our baby and that no, we would not be more comfortable leaving and coming back later. He went to Starbucks to get me a latte and I sat, watching for her to come out. I sat and wiped away my tears, thinking about the second chance I was given. Thinking about what a gift I have been given in this child. Thinking about how proud of her I am and how proud of me I should be. I have become the mother I always wanted. Thinking about how great the past year has been, despite the hardships, because all of it brought the three of us so much closer than we ever were and saved this family from dispatching. I am so excited for my baby girl and for me. But this feels like more than I can handle in that my Little is beginning a new chapter and I know how this book ends-she graduates and goes to college and leaves my nest.

That is all......

Oh My Goodness, I do not have anything to say....No, I am serious. I have had a quiet weekend of school work and a little house work. Little did not have ballet, so I did not leave the house all weekend. Little has two hours worth of testing tomorrow. This will determine whether or not she will go to 1st grade or kindergarten. It is $250 and she has to get a 98% in order to move onto the next phase of testing. No, I am serious. This is at 5 years old. And she wants to do it. This is very important to her. And she is nervous. And I am nervous for her. I know she will do fine and whatever is supposed to happen will happen. That is all...

Attention Please, I am not Perfect

I am down again and I am not sure if I am down or frustrated or tired or a combination of all of them. I have made some bad decisions this week with my diet and I think I am paying for it today. I have a headache and a body ache and I feel like I deserve it because I did not do the right thing. I am not going to beat myself up about it, but it continues to validate the fact that if I eat right then I do and feel so much better than if I do not.

Work is frustrating right now and I am trying to power through it. I find such inspiration from our CEO and a few other people, but the morale is down every where on campus. I am grateful to have a job and I know that we will all come through this intact - or at least I am hopeful this is all true. But for now, it is painful and there are a lot of painful things happening every day.

So I had a conversation with one of my very best friends last week about closure. I have a relationship in my life that is quirky and complicated and not 100% authentic, which is out of character for me and yet something I feel so adamant about holding onto. I need validation and connection and as dysfunctional as it is, I cannot let go and worse of all, I cannot explain it. Except that I do not have closure. It is a relationship that fades in and out, comes and goes - there is no discussion about it. There is no hostility or disagreement to end it and there is no where it is going to go. Closure - it is an odd thing!