Countdown to the Big Cry!

Kindergarten, I'm seriously tormented by the word kindergarten. I said I wasn't going to be that kind of Mommy, but I'm just that. I mean, it's important to get your kid into the best program. And this program, it is amazing. So G and I went to the parent meeting for the kindergarten program that will begin August 18, 2008 - yep that's right, almost a year away! (In my defense, this is when all programs are presenting information and asking for a deposit) We were extremely impressed with the teacher - who has a Master's degree in Literacy, the class size - only 15 students, the ratio of 12 to 1 or 13, 14, 15 to 2, and the skills that are part of the curriculum, which exceed the state requirements. The program is full-time, Monday through Friday 8-3:30, or part-time, Tuesday through Thursday all day. So this is all exciting and keep your fingers crossed that we are successful.

The less exciting part is that my "Little" is becoming a big girl and is beginning a path that ends with her leaving my house to go to college, get married, have her own children, and cultivating her own life. I know this sounds ridiculous as there are 13 years involved in this process, but years of having children go faster than years without. Case in point, just yesterday my boys were in elementary school. In June, one will graduate high school and the other will have completed his sophomore year. On one hand, my daughter is turning 4 in January and will be a little over 4 1/2 when she begins the big K. On the other, she is emotionally, socially, and educationally ready. I worry that she is so small, but then worry for the other students as she inherited my strong personality and strength of conviction. Holy cow, how did this happen?

Get Some Shutterfly!

It is 9 degrees outside in good ole Colorado. I am pretty sure that I will have to hold my nose to the stove to get it warm. I am not a cold natured person, but this is damn cold. So, dinner was not the disaster that I thought it would be. The wine I bought was fantastic and Dad watched Eddie Izzard's Dressed To Kill with us. (It is about time given the fact that G & I gave it to him for Christmas last year!) If you have never seen Eddie Izzard, I highly recommend you put it in your NetFlix cue immediately. He is an Executive Action Transvestite and extremely intelligent in his humor. So it took me a minute to get over the fact that he wears more make-up than I do, but right off the bat he clarifies that he is attracted to women and gay men who wear women's clothes are Drag Queens. Hence the difference!?! Funny, Funny!

So do you know Shutterfly? If you do not, you must: www.shutterfly.com. I have a huge love affair going with this site and have since the birth of my "Little". I personalize our Christmas cards, thank-you cards, party invites, and have as of last year, started making calendars. My Auntie M said that she loved her 2007 calendar so much that she would like one for 2008. So today, I spent 2 1/2 hours creating perfection. It is the best I have created thus far. You simply must try it out!

Family Holidays

I continue to receive email expressing thanks for.......Well, according to Jocelyn, vodka for one.
I am thankful for the wine I bought that will numb my experience of having dinner at my parent's house tomorrow night as my brother has come with my Aunt. I was told today that Thanksgiving was all about family and maybe my brother has changed, wouldn't that be a wonderful surprise. Well, no, that would be a freak of nature or the end of the world as we know it. Look, the kid is 31 years old, without any sort of role model to shape him, and a personality that is equal to nails on a chalk board. He is load, drinks too much, and smokes - though I hear he is down to three a day. I am not expecting much in the way of stimulating conversation.

Yes, it is the Grinch!

Decision Made!

I HAVE MADE A DECISION. It is not a clear cut "what I am going to do is", but rather a "this is what I am not going to do" decision. Regardless, I have made a decision. I am leaving the corporate world and trying my best to get back into health care. This decision included turning down a wonderful organization and what will be a similar conversation with, what would have been, my dream job up until I was given the option to make this choice. In these cases, the pay would be more than double what I will make going back into a hospital and the perks - oh I cannot even talk about the perks I am walking away from. But at the end of the day, I was not happy. A lot of that stems from the fact that I have worked for self-serving, insecure people for the past three years. Secondarily, the work is just not that interesting to me anymore.

Ok, but this is as far as I have gotten, except to say that I am targeting one hospital in particular with high hopes. I cannot imagine what was going through the recruiter's mind when I told him that I would take any job that they would consider me for. I will have to go through some certifications again as 1) Colorado does not recognize any training outside the state and 2) certificates expire within 24 months if they are not used and signed off on annually. Lucky me!

Ok, so this is as far as I have gotten. Now, I stalk the hospital and wait~Wish me Luck......

Off The Grid

I am trying to make a decision. It feels like the hardest decision I have had to make in quite along time and because I am a Libra, decisions are hard for me as I require balance. Making decisions is not synonymous with balance. I have sought the advice of my husband, my best friends, my horoscope, I have prayed - with no response, and am looking for a Magic 8 ball. I am cautious as I have made bad decisions in the past and I want this to be the right one. The more I think, the more nervous I get. I was woke up at 3am with a different thought than I have now at 3pm. I am not trying to be flaky, really I am not, but I do not like change.

I am eating soup for dinner and am so happy for the cold temperatures. I do not make the soup, but one day I will. I am loving pumpkin right now, pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, pumpkin muffins - all until I got to the pumpkin soup. It was ruined by the over-bearing flavor of cinnamon, which is the evil of all spices. Why, why ruin my perfect soup?

The Changing of Seasons and Sounds of...Seagulls?

So I have been busy interviewing, organizing my house (one room at a time), enjoying my friends, exercising, and reading. G and I have had some pretty heavy and deep conversations about our relationship, our family, and our careers. We get so busy and are such different people that when we do not take the time to connect on a regular basis, we drift apart like wood in a raging river. I am a person that romanticizes the "what could have been" relationships in my life and do so with no benefit to myself or to those who genuinely love me. When things get hard in my real life, I am able to create a fiction that feels calm, safe, and delicious in my own mind. So my goal for November is to live in the moment and be present in my very own life as it looks today. Good Luck to me!

So I walked out of "Bucky's" the other day with my grande nonfat no-foam sugar-free vanilla latte (George Carlin would call me a big asshole as the longer the order, the bigger the asshole by his definition) and was admiring Fall. I love the burst of color in the trees. Green is green but as Fall arrives the trees flash a calm yellow, festive orange, and fiery red that makes me warm, even with the dropping temperature. As I was caught up in my surroundings, I heard the call of birds. Seagulls actually. Seagulls? Yes, truly! They were floating in the sky above a light post like puppets on a string. I found this curious until I realized how smart these birds must be in escaping the air of California during the tragic fires. I imagine that the fires are what drove them East as I have not seen them here before. So this got me thinking about the way we live our lives. Animals can sense danger, toxic situations, and adjust their lives to protect themselves. Do we necessarily do the same thing as human beings? Or do we just "rub some dirt on it" (thank you Peyton Manning) and try to power through? Just a heavy question for a light Thursday!