To piss off and impress on

So for all the people I have pissed off this week, I have managed to impress a few too. Let me say that the people I have pissed off want to believe that I have something personally against them and so you just have to shrug you shoulders at those. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I rarely, if ever, mix my personal and professional feelings. If I do not respect you, the fact that you are mad at me holds no weight. My life is so full right now that, without being condescending, you really need to put on your big girl panties and not expect my direction to come with a hug.

Ok, so the things I will make time for are the projects in which I work with people I admire, mentoring people who really want to embrace change, and learning more about potential opportunities for my advancement. Interestingly enough all of this came on the same day - so you have to know that I am exhausted.

And were off......

G is back and we are on to our 90 mile an hour life again. Of course, after 5 days camping without his phone on (AHEM), he looks refreshed, relaxed, and ready to take on the world. Unfortunately, he has walked into Crazyville, Population Wife. We had two places to see tonight in our Suburban tour of available rental properties that accept 75 & 85 pound lap dogs, the boys are home, and Little is tired and grumpy. So we sat down to dinner at 6:45 with the caveat that we had to make a decision on one of the houses by 7:00. Nothing like an opportunity to weighs the pros and cons decisively. The good news is that we made a selection and my nights of surfing craigslist endlessly are over! The mediocre news is that we move in two weeks. The bad news is that I am working 40+ hours between now and then. The worse news is that I am going from a walk in closet with its own zip code to European style cabinets and no visible place for all of my shoes. If you are confused on my dilemma, please read my Ode to Circa Joan & David, and just know that I have bought yet another pair since that post. Can I have an Amen?

Drama is best when there is sex in the closet....

There is so much drama happening at the hospital and not the Gray's Anatomy sex in the closet kind. As an organization, we are preparing for the DNC, as a shift we are training new hires and have lost three of our best to maternity leave - thankfully, I get one of the best clerks back next week. As a department, we are dealing with an internal investigation courtesy of the extremely bad choices made by Webster (see the post on the Short Man Syndrome). I continue to be told that he is learning from his mistakes and yet, I have a ring side seat from which I can see that not only is he not learning, but he finds new and innovative ways to violate both P&P and common sense. The whole thing is taking its toll on all of us and is a source of constant gossip. At this point, I have zero stake in the outcome, I just need a decision and some normalcy.

My house is empty and I am not out of words yet

I am antsy and in a mood. I spent the weekend thinking that if something happened to G, I would be solid as a single parent. I still think that is true, but I feel a tad lost without having the opportunity to talk to him about all the things that are going on in my life. Since he has been gone, a multitude of events have taken place both at home and at work. I have my best friend to chat with and am so fortunate that she works in the same hospital, has an office I can hide in for 5-10 minutes when I am really losing my mind, and gives me responses much like G would. How scary is it that my best friend and my husband are more compatible than the actual married couple?

So moving right along, you would think that in the year 2008, with two technically savvy people, we could touch base once in the 5 days he is gone, right? Oh no, G has turned his phone off. I know this because every time (4-5 times) I have called his phone, it goes straight to voice mail. At this point in my story, we could go back to the place where I once stated that I want to come back as a well married man who does not consider his responsibilities to his family because he has a solid, independent wife, or I could just smile and remember that we celebrated 5 years of marriage on Friday - Apart!

Migraines and Sleep Depravation

I get migraines and they are miserable. They are the kind that require me to lay in a cold dark room so that I do not throw up. Today was a migraine day and I did really well holding it at bay until early afternoon. I laid down for an hour while my Little watched part of a movie and then decided to feed my misery caffeine, which generally helps. Unfortunately, it was about 6:30 when I had my soda, so here I sit - wide awake, despite the fact that I have to be up in less than 7 hours. And I have to work out with my trainer tomorrow night. And I have a busy day. And I am playing the part of single mother. And so I thought I would bore us all to sleep with this post.

I am purely in love.

G is away and I shall play. I have had the most delicious weekend with a beautiful brunette with blue eyes the color of lapis. We have gone out to dinner both nights, laughing and sharing dessert - we have watched movies, curled up on the couch together, our legs intertwined. We have gone shopping and laid around the house petting my dogs. I am purely in love.

And now I am reduced to arguing as to why she cannot be a mermaid. I am purely in love.

I Cannot Even Manage a 4 Hour Work Day

So this week has been a whirl wind and I think that will be true from now until Labor Day. I have not gone to my trainer all week, but I am exhausted and weak from the work out my life is right now. I will go back next week, but that will be my last until after the DNC. Tuesday night was my book club and I had such a good time. We read The Red Tent, which is written from the perspective of Dinah - the daughter of Leah and Jacob. I am not all that familiar with the Bible, or the story, but I loved the book as it was told like a story and not as chapter and verse. Next we are reading Perfume, which is about a serial killer - yes, we are a diverse book club! Wednesday nights are a mess for me right now - I stumbled across a reality show that I am now addicted to: So You Think You Can Dance. This kills Thursday nights as well in that it is results night. I guess I can forgive myself for the two night of couch potato in that I am running wild.

G is leaving town tomorrow, which is our 5th wedding anniversary. He and the oldest son are going camping. Now, G is not a camper (he was in the Marine Corp - but like two decades ago) and the son is REALLY not a camper, but they decided to take the trip to celebrate the son's high school graduation. So most women would be upset by this, but I am not one of them. Hopefully they will have fun.

So work is really more than I can talk about right now, but suffice it to say that I do not have a minute in my day to obsess about anything. I am hoping that this big black cloud resolves tomorrow, but I have zero control over any part of it - which of course, is making me crazy.

Someone important to me has suggested I read The 4-Hour Workweek. I will do so because I am intrigued as to why I would be asked to do so, but here are my initial thoughts:
I love to work - I feel satisfied and fulfilled by what I do now. Could I have said that as a high paid sales person - No. Being in the service industry, especially for a "safety-net" facility is a challenge and allows me to grow in so many ways. I have a career path and am excited by the journey rather than the destination, which is new for me. I do not do vacation and/or free time well. I would really like to hear more about the stereotypes I am pursuing and what about my life is questionable. Maybe you can answer that for me, in return, I will read the book.

What Team Does It Make Sense To Play For?

My friend is text messaging me tonight - yes we do that at my age! Her husband works out of town and was supposed to come home for a "date night" at the Rockies game and then they are heading off on vacation at the end of the week. Well, so they had an argument and he stood her up - well, ok he told her was not coming home for the game and went on to say he was not going on va-ca either, but we always really hope you will surprise us by not being the ass that we think/know you are! So she is asking me, what if he really decides to not join them on their trip and I asked - being that we both have kids - well, are there consequences to his behavior.

I feel ok asking this because 1) he is acting like a child, 2) neither one of us are the type that rule our men through the rings in their noses, and 3) all the books say you have to teach people how to treat you and really, who does he think he is acting like this.

A little back story about this particular friend of mine is that she is blonde, has a great rack, is beautiful, intelligent, witty, drinks hard liquor, is as unfiltered as I am, and brings home the bacon. So really, I ask again, WTF is Paul Bunyan thinking?

Ok men, I have teed this bad boy up to you - bring it home, If You Dare!

A Letter To Circa Joan & David

Dear Circa Joan & David,

I do not love your shoes, I have a long term intimate relationship with your shoes. Nothing makes me happier than the sun yellow box, shoe bag, and the smell of genuine leather in the morning. The fact that I have 8 boxes and several pair without the safety of box should tell you that this is true genuine love. All of that being said, I am fairly disappointed that I cannot find replacements for my very favorite pair. The size 9 Gigi leather heel. The toe is pointy, the buckle subtle, the insole cushiony, and the heel is kitten. I own navy, which after several years of wearing, are starting to fade. I am desperate to replace them, although I have a pair of navy slingbacks, red slingbacks, teal slingbacks, black pumps, black mules, brown pumps (Circa Joan & David, of course.) I want Gigi's in chocolate brown and navy and black and red. I WANT THEM!

I know there are trends to shoes and wedges will come and go (OH PLEASE GO), but some things should remain classic and available. Gigi's are timeless, they are my zen. I walk endlessly and feel no pain in my Gigi's. They give my feet a big hug and tell me that no matter how busy I get, I can go on.

I have Googled and found not one pair out there. It has come time for me to beg~ Oh Please Circa Joan & David, have mercy on my feet. I can buy other shoes, different styles, but please, please don't make me do it. Help me J&D, you're my only hope!

~Your Biggest Fan

Vindication

Ha, I am not crazy - ok let me explain. We are looking for a house and during a tour, the hostess mentioned that the school bus stop was right there on the corner. I almost burst into tears. The very idea that my Little will step foot on a bus is incredulous. So I am watching the news and they are reporting that children that ride the school bus see a 3% decrease in intellect due to the diesel fuel fumes. Yes folks, one more reason my Little's butt will never plant itself on a bench devoid of a seat belt.

Bring Back the 70's

I was going to list all the reasons that I should not be a baseball player and then realized that the list of why I should would be shorter. However, I have to give it up for Chris Ianetta - had some punk Marlin hit me in the head with his bat on a follow through, he would be shitting wood chips for a month. But the Rocks won, making it 5 in a row and despite the roll they are on, it does not make the announcers any less irritating. If you were watching tonight, then you too were exposed to a stirring rendition of the Dominican Republic winter league in 1977. Whatever and shut the hell up.

Speaking of the 70's, did you ever watch the original American Gladiators? Well, I did and am a huge fan of the current show. In fact, I have a same sex crush on well, Crush. She is sexy and cool and a total bad ass. The funniest thing is that I went to get a haircut, left the style to the technician, and came out with a blonde version of the Crush do. Now I am just waiting for my invitation to the Gladiator Arena - I just know I can take Helga!

Regret vs Ponderance, which camp are you in?

So I have a married friend that is in a strange head space with Ken and he with her. I say this because she is married, has kids, and all that comes with that. So the comments are always about her next life. This leaves me wondering what that means because I have "in my next life" thoughts too about a great many things. Does this mean that we will be willing to make changes after our kids have left home, when we are widowed, or truly in the next life we lead? Is it fair for us (and I am talking about us as people in general) to stay the course out of responsibility rather than to follow our hearts? The question my friend asks is how do we live with the decisions we made in our early 20's for the rest of our lives? I am not sure this is regret as much as it is ponderance.

The Perfect Dinner

Ken is going to the west coast for three weeks to work with his brother. We always hate it when he goes away, as this has become a frequent occurrence, especially with the economy the way it is in Denver. The triplets suffer without one another and get pissy when one or the other is away. So, K and Gubby had us over for dinner - you would think that since they had a bar b que the night before, we could have left overs, right? Oh hell no, they made an entirely new meal! I love them!

Anyhow, we had a great evening and I, of course, brought up the comments made by the German loving American the night before. They were also shocked by her behavior being she was the spouse of the Brit - with whom Gubby works, did not know her, and spoke of her not knowing the audience around her. Some of the guests brought their parents, who were at least 65-70 and probably very patriotic people, as am I. So I was thrilled that Gubby and K were also offended. G and I go to these dinner parties at their house frequently and there is always one asshole in the bunch that either Gubby or K is willing to defend. This time the asshole quotient was unanimous.

It has taken me a while, but I am really loving K and traveling with them has opened my eyes to how difficult and controlling Gubby can be. Because I have loved him for a decade, I established myself in the camp that he was perfect and could be taken advantage of. You really should see us fight for power during a trip abroad - yes, I gave up and let him be Julie, Cruise Director!

Ken is also a great love of my life and I am extremely critical about the women he brings around. I have been accused of being jealous and not wanting him to be with anyone because I cannot have him and this always amuses me. The truth is, I can tell within the first minute or so of meeting Girl Du jour as to whether or not she will have longevity. Seriously, let's consider I have ten years of experience, I know my man, and I know if it is there with him or not. I genuinely want him to settle down with the "right" woman, have kids if they so choose, and live happily ever after. I have never, not in one day, wanted Ken in a sexual way. What I did not mention in my last blog was that I met Ken first, then G, then Gubby, but all in the same week. Regardless, Ken makes it clear that I am the one that Miss This Week has to get past - which is funny since I know he has already made the decision. There have been two that I can remember, that I have talked him out of, but really, we are in sync.(There was one I tried to talk Gubby out of and at the end of the day, I was right) Ken, I love you and wish you a safe trip back to Cali. Come home to us soon!

Germany is superior to the US, or how I spent the 3rd of July with an asshole

Back story: In 1998 I met the triplets - no they are not really brothers, but are closer than that really. For those of you who do not know, G and I met at the American Cancer Society Relay for Life and as I ended up in the men's tent to sleep (shocking) G likes to tell people we slept together the night we met. Yeah, he's that funny....So G is the oldest with Gubby and Ken a couple years younger. Can I tell you how fun being pregnant was having the triplets around - ok, not at all, but that is another story! Ken is not married, but there have been lots of candidates - this is also another story altogether. Gubby, who is European, married a French Canadian about a year, maybe two. She was married to a friend of theirs - longer story, blah, blah, blah. (Hang on, we are almost past the back story, but I have 10 years to cover in a short way) So Gubby and K are DINKs (Dual Income No Kids), they travel a lot, scuba dive (we had the best time diving with them in Cozumel), have a house like a museum, and love to entertain. In fact, K is a gourmet chef as a hobby. They believe in course meals that take hours to get through, so you have to be ready to settle in for the night!

So we get an invite to their house for a bar b que and the firework show, which is right across the street from where they live. It was not until Thursday afternoon that we found out it would be like 25-30 people, to include other people's children. G and I are overwhelmed from the time we arrived. We did not know any of these people. Gubby explained that they were people from his company, her company, and then of course, his friends. After dinner, there was a game in honor of the 4th. As Gubby and K are now American citizens, they had to take the test and decided that we should take it too - of course there were prizes! So one woman who is apparently married to a Brit, shouts out "You guys became American citizens on purpose?" She was ignored and felt she should continue "No really, why would you do that" and this asshole, who did not know anyone at this party, including the hosts, continued to try to pin them down all night long.
Apparently, she lived in Berlin for a time and marrying a Brit has made her an elitist, for which the United States is not good enough. However, she fucking lives here. Apparently, Germany is far superior to the US. She needs to go back there.

I need to be seen for insomnia

So with all sorts of things running through my mind, I woke up at 2am and laid in bed unable to get back to sleep until 3 am. I got up, totally mad and got ready for work. I kid you not when I say that I got there at 4:30. To say that the 3rd shift was surprised to see me is an understatement. I made it through the day with a cat nap in my car at lunch. I really need to relax!

What Doesn't Kill Us

I am very busy trying to put things in perspective today as G and I have had to make some amazingly hard decisions about our life. The reality hit me tonight and I am wanting to feel sorry for myself and yet, I have to remember, that this is not even the worse thing to happen to me.
Years from now, we will laugh about all of this and I will in fact, talk about it when I am ready to do so, but right now, I am just trying to keep from crying.