I Itch

So, I have shingles on the right side of my body, mosquito bites on the rest, and a anxiety over my professional life. I am not sure what is is causing me the most discomfort. The shingles are painful, thanks to their attraction to nerves, itch, and burn. Colorado is experiencing mutant mosquitos, which provide itchy mump-like bites. My job has turned into something that was once an exciting challenge to unsatisfying frustration. I think I have gotten to a place where I can finally appraise my own self-worth and feel confident about what I have to offer. G wants me to be patient a little while longer as there are many changes coming in the next couple of months. Our youngest son is moving back into the house tomorrow. We have given him a year of rent-free living in which we are paying his college tuition and books at the local Community College in an effort to raise his GPA and save money. Given that my sons are technically my step-sons, I have never lived with either one of them full-time and I have never lived with them not resenting the hell out of their mother for all the chaos she caused us and them. Little starts a new school in August, requiring me to add her into my morning for the first time since she started school. Fortunately, she will be wearing uniforms, which makes that stress-free. Little is starting back to dance in September and has a renewed dedication to it. We are also coming around to the idea of a new addition to the canine population as we continue to move past the death of our beloved Gunther. I also need to focus on my health as I begin to have fills and integrate exercise to a full schedule.

I am not patient and I feel like I am compromising my health, my education, and my time by remaining in a position that does not value me for what I bring to the table, but instead relish my position as scape-goat. I finish my MBA in the Spring and G is back to trying to talk me into staying at home until that happens. I feel like there is something I am meant to be doing and maybe I will find clarity once I am done with my Masters program.

For now, I am trying to not scratch what itches.

It was going so well....

It was going well. Little was headed back to camp, I had a plan. It was time to start swimming. That was all before I went to my doctor because of a bizarre heat rash that turned out to be shingles.

Post Op Day 12

So I plugged along nicely Post Op Days 3-5 and then got confused about what I was supposed to be eating. Fortunately, my post-op nutrition class was on Post Op Day 7 and I found out I was not eating enough. I went back to work the following day and did well with the appropriate number of meals, my protein drink, and my water bottle. I am eating approximately 2-4 ounces every 2 hours. My real challenge is meeting my water requirement every day and staying on schedule with eating. I was down to 274.4, but have put on 3 pounds and I weigh in at 277.4 currently. I wanted to freak out about the weight gain, but after research and discussing this with others, it is normal. I am not drinking enough water, having trouble taking my Benefiber, not always eating enough, not watching my sodium intake (and I am not supposed to be), and I am off full liquids and eating soft foods. My body is in a constant state of flux and change and so I am supposed to 1). Be Patient, and 2). Stop weighing myself everyday (the post op instructions say to stay off the scale and if that is impossible, weigh once a week).
On the positive side: I still have more energy than I have had in a very long time. I am exercising regularly and feel a little jealous that the Badwater Ultra marathon starts today – as if I could run that right now, or ever. I see changes in my body shape, even though the scale is not as friendly as I would want it to be. Little is at Girl Scout camp this week and so I can have a total inward focus to try and get back on track with the water, eating every two hours, and continue to exercise – not that she hindered that piece of it, in fact, she liked being in charge of me as we walked through the neighborhood.
I got off track with my postings trying to recover, finish one class up while starting another, and getting Little packed for her week of “roughing” it in the beautiful mountains where she will ride horses. This in itself is a good lesson that life does not slow down because you are in the midst of self-improvement.

Post Op Day Three

I have had major improvements in my post op healing in the last couple of days. I am supposed to walk 60 minutes a day in any increment. The first day, I went 6 times for 10 minutes. Now I am at 3 times a day for 20 minutes. So my schedule is something like this: Wake up, take Levothyroid, wait 30 minutes, drink 1 oz of protein (Isopure or Muscle Milk light) at the top of every hour, drink 1 oz of water every 15 minutes after, and take deep inhales into my spirometer twice an hour. Of course, there is a lot of trips to the little girl's room with all that liquid and then the walking - leaves little time for anything else. However, I went to a bar-b-que for a couple of hours last night and am on my way to get a pedicure with a friend of mine to celebrate her birthday. I am amazed to be losing about 2 lbs a day and weighed in at 280.4 today. Day by day, step by step.