Group Discount Therapy

One of my co-workers recently gave me a cartoon in which a therapist is sitting in a chair and on the couch next to him are people piled on top of each other. There must be ten or twelve of them. Underneath the picture it says Group Discount Therapy. It makes me laugh when I look at it for two reasons. First of all, I am one of a hand full of people in this organization without a Masters degree in Forensics Psychology - in fact 75% of the people here are from the same program. Secondarily, I think that largely the people that go into Psychology are people who actually need a therapist. The third reason that this cartoon is funny is that even if we were all mentally and emotionally strong people walking into this place, we would all need to pile on that couch together at some point and time! Besides, isn't therapy more fun with someone underneath you?

My "Little" asked for hot dogs for dinner last night. She and I are addicted to turkey dogs and she is pretty adamant in how she wants them. Cut up with some ketchup on one side of the plate and mayo on the other. She ate all the hot dogs, all the ketchup, and then did not touch the mayo. I asked her why and she said that some days she wants mayo and some days she does not, but she wanted the choice. I thought that was funny and good for her for knowing that she has the right to change her mind. But then today I had meetings all morning and was heading back to the office when I thought I would swing by her school and give her a hug and a kiss as I knew it was lunch time. So I walked into her class and she was crying. Apparently, she had asked for mayo - which the teacher put on her sandwich, then decided she did not want mayo, and then cried when the teacher threw the mayo packet away. Granted, she had to get up early this morning and was tired, but I had to tell her that the mayo was on her sandwich and only the empty packet was in the trash. So I sat down with her and the little boy sitting next to her said, she cries like a baby. So, without thumping the little boy in the head - and let's start with the fact that I have known this little terror for a few years and do not like him in the least, I explained that sometimes things are frustrating and we get too tired to resolve issues the way we should by using our words. I talked to the teacher (who according to the owner of the school, I make nervous anyhow) and told her that my "Little" is very logical, a trait she inherited from her father, unless she is over-tired and then she gets emotional and insane, a trait she inherited from me! Lucky Girl!

So then let's get into the teacher issue. This is not the first time I have been accused of being initimating, which I think is ridiculous. There could not be a more approachable person in my mind. I am focused and direct, but friendly and giving. I am a business woman though and so I guess I could see it. I would really like some comments on this because at the end of the day, I am not sure I like the idea that I come off strong.

Introspection and Too Much Protein

Recently I wrote the following to a friend of mine who is in the midst of a divorce and has two small children as we were catching up:

"Lots is happening in my world, mostly I am trying to find myself - as ridiculous as that sounds. I am reading a lot and trying to be introspective as much as possible. I making lists of things that are making me crazy and unhappy in an effort to figure out what I need to do or seek out that will make me happy. Is this a mid-life crisis? Am I even old enough for a mid-life crisis? What it boils down to is that I am getting to old to accept certain things, behaviors, etc and have high expectations for my environment and for myself. "
So to that end, I am reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, which highlights her effort to find herself, beginning with a painful divorce that she initiated. I have also started thinking about my last line. I am not getting too old to accept certain things, behaviors, etc....I am beginning to heal the wounds of my past and becoming less tolerable of the abuse that I felt I deserved at one point in my life. Not to say that I am not vulnerable because I am and I think all people are throughout their lives no matter their mental health or clarity.

So despite my new level of activity (I have started walking my dogs before work every morning so that I can work my way back into running long distances with my bad bad knees), I have begun to put on more weight. I have grown frustrated and outraged at this to say the least. This morning, I went to make my protein shake only to discover that I had two scoops in the powder. A large one and a small one that had been hidden within the powder - leading me to believe that it came with the product and is the actual scoop I should have been using. So long story short, for the past 6 or so weeks I have been putting on weight like a wrestler and consuming enough protein powder in my breakfast shake to put an Olympian to shame. And the last thing I need on me is more weight as I am a struggler and trying to get back into fighting shape so that I can get back into running. I think I will start discussing my struggles here as I have been asked to do so.

You Have To LOVE This

Couple marries 30 years after parents broke up engagement

That is dedication, trust, and true love!!!

NFL: Time to Take Out the Trash!

I have tried my hardest not to read or listen to the details of the Michael Vick dog fighting tragedy, but unfortunately, it is a topic of conversation that will not simmer down. The wretched coward plead guilty not because he is a man of integrity, but because he got caught lying and had no place to run. The backlash from the public ensured a guilty verdict and had he not gotten out in front of this, a jury of his underpaid peers would have decided his fate. He is only sorry that he got caught and shame on the Falcons for holding his position for him. Come December 10th, the court system has a duty to throw the book at him. I have heard it said that they should make an example of him, but he should have been living as an example to the hundreds of kids that look up to him. JAIL TIME!

In other news, Broncos Running Back Travis Henry has nine children by nine different women who are having to take him to court in an attempt to receive the child support they are due. This piece of work has a $100,000 car and has spent $146,000 on jewelry, and claims he has no money after getting more than $22 million from the Broncos. Good pick Shanahan - has a sudden and impactive blow to your head rendered you delirious in your thinking? Do you see black and silver on the field? Do you think the people of Denver are willing to accept the Raider level of trash you are trying to force down our throats? IDIOT! Oh and by the way, Jay Cutler has really impacted the performance of our dear team - you were right in cutting Plummer for this 12 yr old who cannot get the ball past his own 50 yard line. Good freaking call!

Now it is time to applaud Tom Brady and Matt Leinert who so graciously made it to the hospital in time to see their ex-girlfriends deliver their children and then jet back to their locker rooms for congrats all around. Well done boys.

I refuse to watch the NBA because I hate basket ball and that is solidified by the fact that the millionaire players are largely pot smoking, baby making, wife beating thugs who disrespect their coaches, engage in fist fights with the fans, and talk like the rest of us understand their crack whore street lingo, not to mention the little referee debacle, and now this "from the projects" mentality is spreading to my beloved football field. What is left to watch?

I do not hate men, I hate stupid, ridiculous children dressed in men's clothing!

Germany and the Excess of America

Doing business with German Executives is an interesting experience. Especially if you are female and quite a bit younger than they expected you to be. Do not get me wrong, they are hospitable to say the least and polite, proper, thoughtful, and modest. I am so unbelievably grateful that our hosts spoke English, as did the employees in our hotel, within the airport, and even the guy who owned the gas station - who must have had a good laugh at our utter confusion with their pumps. Diesel - really there are five kinds of diesel - who knew? I enjoyed myself for the very brief time I was in Germany and fell in love with the idea of conducting International business. (despite my very real fear of flying). But my first encounter with Europe brought forth the contemplation of excess.

Excessive is a great way to describe Americans after spending time in a European country and getting to know a Brit who travels to Texas once a month. Everything we do is large. From our cars to our hotel rooms to our elevators, offices, houses, and restaurants. We are loud and disrespectful in an attention seeking way that the Germans are not. We are egocentric and inappropriate. We are focused on the wrong things to include 6000 square foot homes and gas guzzling SUV's. My new friends in Germany and the Brit talked largely about their "holiday" as all of them were gearing up for 2 weeks away. (They get 25-30 days of "holiday" in addition to a number of public holidays). Excess is what is on my mind as I open my InStyle Magazine and read that Kimora Lee Simmons owns 500 pairs of jeans, 10 of which are in regular rotation, changes her clothes 5 times a day, and converted two bedrooms within her mansion into a custom closet. Living well is one thing, living true is a blessing, but obnoxious excess is...well for now, it is the American way.

The picture above on the left is the view from our hotel. We had dinner right there on the water. The picture on the right is of the town in which we visited and the castle we got to see on our way to and from dinner as we walked in the town square. Note to women - town square, pointy high heeled shoes - not a match!

This post is boring!

I am in a panic about my trip tomorrow and as such I am having the weirdest dreams. I am also waking up in the middle of the night thinking about what I should take and my presentation and how to say things in German. I am falling apart, which is bizarre for me because I am good at what I do. It has to be all about the plane trip.

So today we watched Stargate SG-1 Season 10. We are only into disc 3 with several more to go. I am not a SciFi fan, but there are some shows that really enjoy. I was pretty over it when Richard Dean Anderson left, but I am digging the story line with Claudia Black. There is a romantic husband that she left behind and a bond with Daniel Jackson. Remember, I am a sucker for romance and passion.

I am watching the Bronco game and G has to continue to remind me that 1) Chloe is asleep and 2) it is a Pre Season game in which the first string has only been on the field for 25 plays. That being said, Mike Shanahan is already questionable with me for the way he handled Jake Plummer. Thus far, I am not impressed with this Cutler child. I love and I mean love John Lynch. That man has heart and soul.

There are a few things that make me yell at the television like a lunatic - football, sometimes baseball, and Meet The Press! Interestingly enough, they will all three be on TV for the next couple of months.

This is a rather boring post, I just wanted to have something on air before I left town as I do not know if I will have enough access to post

The Count Down Continues.....

I woke up at 2:45 am and thought, "Oh God, I wonder if Germans like PowerPoint presentations". A normal person would roll over and go back to sleep, but as we know, well, I am just not normal. So I got up and ran downstairs, dogs right behind me, grabbed my PDA, and started writing an email in the dark. Of course, I hear little feet and my girl gets on the couch asking what I am doing. So she and I slept on the couch for an hour and then headed off to the guest room where we have a queen size bed. So the Little, myself, and one dog shared the bed, while the other dog laid on the floor, sighing heavily. I know she was pissed that we had left G upstairs alone. There are times when I love sleeping with my Little and this was one of those nights! I am exhausted and just said to my co-worker, My Brain hurts and not in a good way. But I leave on Sunday, so I want to get my time in.

In other news, the Dow has plummeted, there is a Hurricane in the Atlantic, and Michael Vick may have some jail time. I for one, am thrilled and think that a year is not quite long enough. We have a consultant in our office and he knows that I am a conservative GOP loyalist. Mr. Smith came back to ask me today if I had seen the light. I want ranting about the Chinese and their toy recalls, so maybe they should just stop trying to poison our children with their lead. Let me say this about my politics: If there is gender based legislation, you can pretty much guarantee it is going to screw women to benefit men - so I fight it. If there is harm to a child or to animals - I fight it. If it involves the evil Chinese or the worthless French - I fight it. I am my own Republican and that is what makes this a great nation. In any other country, I would have been stoned long ago. God Bless America!

Count down to my break down.....

I am afraid to fly. Ridiculous I know and even worse because I am a sales rep, which instantly means travel. I am 34 and have never been farther than Mexico. Ladies and Gentlemen, steer clear of the Denver International Airport on Sunday as this psycho is leaving for Germany!

Seriously, before you get excited, realize it is a business trip and my schedule looks like this:
Leave Sunday
Arrive Monday at 11:30am, drive an hour and a half to the town, deliver collateral to the companies that said no to a demo, but yes to information
Tuesday meeting at noon and into the evening, client dinner until God knows when
Wednesday drive back to the airport and leave at 2:30

So let's talk about the ramifications of said trip: I leave Sunday at noon and desert my husband who will have all three children, Tuesday is said husband's birthday, I have never travelled internationally and am now doing it for business and not with said husband.

Professionally: I better come home with a signed contract! Which requires that I not say or do anything that could be conceived as ill mannered by the good foreign folks I am meeting with. Oh Seriously, Jet-lagged and Psycho from flying-what are the chances my mouth could get me in trouble? Did I mention that drinking beer is good business etiquette? Better update my resume!

Go Mary Jane Watson

As most of you know, I am a romantic. I want a happy ending and the right guy to get the girl in the end. You should also know that I am a novice, but a lover of comic book character movies. I do not want to argue who made the better Batman or Superman, or how close the movie story line is to the actual books. I do not care and do not read the books, but I love the Superheros.

I almost gave up Spiderman last night. Yes, I said it. They almost lost me. So we are watching Spiderman 2, because the Little is now into this stuff and I had not seen it yet. The whole movie is about Mary Jane Watson begging Peter Parker to tell her that he loves her because WE ALL KNOW HE DOES. But he won't. She cries, she accepts the proposal of another man, and he won't. He does not care that she waits tables to make ends meet while trying to get an acting job. She does not care that he is a poor newpaper photographer by day and Superhero by night. They love each other, madly truly deeply. They have always been there for one another and seen each other at their worst. So I get mad - and I mean mad. I am about to admonish Spiderman3 from ever coming into the house. And she does it. She runs out on her wedding, straight to the hobble that Peter Parker calls home. She decides that love can conquer all and that she will not let him tell her that they cannot be together. Because really, what kind of shit is that? If we have nothing else but love and passion, then brother, we have it all.

Sunday Contemplation

So I am thinking heavily about resistance versus nonresistance in my life. G and I have been having a long and thoughtful conversation today about the effect parents have on us as children and what we continue to carry as adults. The natural tendency is to try and garner acceptance from your parents and make them proud through dedication and hard work. I do not have those options. In my case, I cannot gain acceptance nor am I able to make them proud. Nothing I do is the right thing. I did not marry the right man, I do not have the right number of children, I do not live on the right side of town or in the right house. My mother is the person who does not want me to do better than they did and does not celebrate my achievements.

So back to resistance versus nonresistance. We have two choices when dealing with situations and the analogy I read today was in regards to skydiving. If you throw your body out of a plane and practice nonresistance, then you are not going to free fall in a controlled way, hence you must practice resistance. When you learn martial arts, the movement is all about nonresistance. So I have my rules askew right now. I am practicing resistance to those in my life that I should be practicing nonresistance and vice versa. To make the necessary changes, I have to acknowledge why I would resist the people/things that I do. This is easier said than do....stay tuned!

Thank Heaven for Little Girls

So tying into my blog about my friend and her cheating husband and the real fact that I am tired and have little time for anything else, my 3 yr old daughter had her very first sleep over last night. It was my friend's little girl - the girls are in the same class at school. So it went fine, I made them dinner because they said they were hungry, neither one of them ate, even though I made them exactly what they asked for, cleaned up their dinner dishes, and made them snacks 10 minutes later. I could not get them to sleep until after 10pm and they woke me at 3am and again at 6am. So early this morning, I watched Barbie as Rapunzel with my two favorite girls half sitting and half laying on me. We had some breakfast and then went off to the playground. Our little guest started crying when her mother showed up because she did not want to go to the mountains as planned and instead wanted to go to ballet with my Little because they are in that class together on Saturdays as well.

I taught my daughter the meaning of gratitude today and she said she had gratitude for her friend having a sleepover with her and for the little boy in her class asking her to the birthday party she went to last weekend. I am grateful that my friend trusted me with her precious cargo and that I can be there for her. I am grateful that I do not have to make the hard decisions she is faced with and that if I did, I have strong friends that would support me.

August is about gratitude and I am going to be all about being grateful.

Odds and Ends

Mitt Romney won the straw poll in Iowa. The road to the White House seems to start earlier and earlier. I will have A LOT to say about this election, but choose to stave off my ranting and raving for as long as possible.

One more reason not to buy a Chrysler, as if we need one, those morons hired Bob Nardelli. Yes, the ex-CEO of Home Depot. Yes, he was fired by the Home Depot board, who payed him $210 million dollars to go the hell away. Chrysler thinks maybe he learned something from the ordeal and will pull them out of the unprofitable status they or in...or they are expecting him to fail so that they do not burn in hell when they sell to the Chinese. Note to Chrysler Board: You will in fact burn in hell when you sell to the Chinese. Could someone explain to the Board that China holds our debts and is threatening to send us into a recession if we do not back off our demands to cease their little bomb producing industry and stop selling shit products to the United States. Hmmmm, could it be, could it be Satan? Seriously!

So little time in a day

Tomorrow is one of those long days and I have already had a long week, but on some strange level, I am excited. I start my day with a CSIA DEMO gala meeting at 7:30am downtown. I have completely lost my mind in that I am on the steering committee, Nomination Committee, Chair of the Conference Committee, a member of the Sales Committee, Selection Committee, and still trying to raise funds for the CSIA CSU Inspire to Innovate First Annual Scholarship that we will awarded at the gala dinner. This equates to three to four DEMO meetings a week for the next couple of weeks and then more as we move closer to crunch time and the actual event in October. So after my meeting, I will go to work (Yes, I still have a day job) until the CSIA Wine Tasting Event at the Governor's Mansion. This after I popped off to the Governor's Advocate about Mr. Ritter's state hotline program just yesterday. I am excited about the wine tasting event for many reasons: 1) I genuinely enjoy the members of CSIA and some of them I do not get to see regularly, 2) I genuinely love Garfield Estates wine and they are a sponsor - thank you Jeff Carr, and 3) because I have invited and am hosting the CEO of madKast and though I am not a technical mind, I love sexy technology and I love when they innovate, create inside of Colorado, and boost the economy even more. I am a borderline politician, economist, philanthropist, maniac.

So I have become a Tri junkie and am now looking for my next race. I have said the next race is a 5K to improve my time, but I am about 5 races down the line in my head. So there is a Marine Corp 5K in a couple of months, then a 10K in December, a 10 mile in January, then I should be at a half marathon. I will either run the Boulder Backroads Half or maybe the full marathon if I am ready because I am loyal to them in that my first BB and first half marathon was on my 33rd birthday. They sang Happy Birthday to me at the aid stations and except for those who dropped out, I was dead last. Everyone - volunteers, participants, spectators, lined the course as I came in and cheered for me. It was amazing and I am loyal. Unlike running races, Tri's have a season - or at least this is what I gather from the research I have done this week. But the Danskin is on my list, as is the Tri for the Cure. I want to do a couple more sprint tri's before I increase the distance. I do not have time for any of this!

So speaking of things I do not have time for, I have started writing again and have an article ready for a magazine. It is actually a series concept in which I have the first two months written. Fingers crossed that 1) I will do something more than carry the articles around with me, 2) I will submit them to a couple different publications, and 3) one of them will be crazy enough to publish me, make me a regular contributor, or at least allow me to freelance.

Success

Well, the intention to go to bed early was genuine, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions! After getting no sleep, I headed out to the Tri for a Cure. There was a point when I was really excited, which was quickly replaced by panic and fear. That point came about the time in which I got winded pushing my bike up the hill to get to the event from where I parked. I made mistake in that I took only one bottle of water (for my bike) and one bag (two servings) of Clif blocks(strawberry). The best thing I did was visit Caroline at Boulder Running Company in Littleton. I was worried about the transitions and swimsuit to bike shorts to running shorts and the absolutely necessary jog bra. She suggested ZOOT Tri separates that I could wear my bra underneath and wear throughout the race. It was perfect and I am so thankful to her. She is always supportive and helpful. So, the question of the day is did I finish. Well, there were times in which I wanted to quit, but I did not! I even finished short of the 3 hour goal I had in mind. Though the times are not perfect, they are mine and I love them! I think this is the perfect sport for me. I have a short attention span and by the time I get tired of one sport, it is time to move on to the next one. Now keep in mind this event was what they call a Sprint Triathlon, meaning the swim was a half mile, 12 mile bike ride, and 5k run - which I pretty much walked, but I also did not really train and am in horrible shape.

So the next event is the Boulder Backroads Half Marathon, but I think I will forgo it this year. I want to train for a 5K and get my pace back on par. Right now I am running a 19 minute mile, which my husband categorizes as S L O W. So run a 5K and run it well, then train for a 10K, 10 miles, half marathon, and then I would like to think about a marathon. Once I can run a half in under 2 hours, then I will revisit what training for a real Tri would look like. Of course, I have an obsessive behavior and a competitive will, so this could consume me. Much like getting my fighting weight back. We will see.....Ok, so my time is below!

F 30-34 LITTLETON CO 02:43:04

What was I thinking?

I am getting ready to go to bed. I am competing in the Tri for the Cure tomorrow and have to be there before 6am. I am very nervous and have had a busy day today, so at least I am tired enough for bed at 8:30pm. Wish me luck....more to come

I get so upset when I feel like people I know and respect/like, etc. are wronged. Case in point, someone I see almost daily and have for the past couple of years has seperated from her husband. I am not ready to talk about why, but she is now trying to get past this trial while working a full-time job and caring for their two young children. Doesn't this speak to the strength of women? well, yes, but doesn't it also get back to the fact that men get to choose to be Dads while women have no choice but to raise their children. My husband and I argue about abortion to the point that it is not a topic of discussion in our household. In fact, the last time we honestly talked about our positions was in 2002 and I had my suitcase in hand.

In my opinion, until men are 100% responsible for any children produced by their sperm or find themselves giving birth, abortion is not a subject they should or can weigh in on. It is a gender specific policy that does not get to be debated by a government that is still run by men as a majority. I get the whole life at conception argument. I do not agree with this as a decision when there are so many other options. That being said....At the end of the day, this is between the mother, her family, and her God. No one knows what is best for her, certainly not some broke dick man who at the end of the day, is just going to leave.

My "Little" Wants a Baby Sister

How do you explain to a 3 yr old that she is not going to get a Baby Sister. Especially when she says, "Please, I will be a really good girl and share my toys, please Mommy I want to be a sister". To which I answer that she is already a sister though her brothers are 15 & 18, which I full well know, does not count. So being the clever sort that she is she says "I don't want to be the baby anymore". Ok, then we will call you our big girl. None of this is helping and I just cannot come out and say that Daddy has had a vasectomy and cannot have anymore children, plus he is almost 45 and just too damn old to having more children. Add to that the fact that I did not want to have children, but am blessed to have her in my life. How do you explain that. So I simply and stupidly said "I am very happy to have had Mackenzie and now you, so really you have had a sister and are still the baby." My darling creature looked at me and said "Mackenzie was a baby sister, but she is dead with the angels. We need a new baby in your tummy." So at this point I say "Go ask Daddy!" Good Luck with that one honey!!

My brother is not married and does not have any children that he knows about. I have had one unsuccessful marriage and am on marriage number two. There are days I am more successful than others and keeping Juarez in my head probably makes for a crowded bed at times.
The thing I cannot understand is why my brother and I see relationships as disposable items. That is not true for all relationships either. He and I both stay in the relationships we have had since middle/high school, but do not do so well with the bonds we have formed as adult. My parents have been married for 35 years, though they were insanely unhappy for many of those years. Now I think they are co-dependant, but that is a whole new entry. Just things I am thinking about right now!