I Itch

So, I have shingles on the right side of my body, mosquito bites on the rest, and a anxiety over my professional life. I am not sure what is is causing me the most discomfort. The shingles are painful, thanks to their attraction to nerves, itch, and burn. Colorado is experiencing mutant mosquitos, which provide itchy mump-like bites. My job has turned into something that was once an exciting challenge to unsatisfying frustration. I think I have gotten to a place where I can finally appraise my own self-worth and feel confident about what I have to offer. G wants me to be patient a little while longer as there are many changes coming in the next couple of months. Our youngest son is moving back into the house tomorrow. We have given him a year of rent-free living in which we are paying his college tuition and books at the local Community College in an effort to raise his GPA and save money. Given that my sons are technically my step-sons, I have never lived with either one of them full-time and I have never lived with them not resenting the hell out of their mother for all the chaos she caused us and them. Little starts a new school in August, requiring me to add her into my morning for the first time since she started school. Fortunately, she will be wearing uniforms, which makes that stress-free. Little is starting back to dance in September and has a renewed dedication to it. We are also coming around to the idea of a new addition to the canine population as we continue to move past the death of our beloved Gunther. I also need to focus on my health as I begin to have fills and integrate exercise to a full schedule.

I am not patient and I feel like I am compromising my health, my education, and my time by remaining in a position that does not value me for what I bring to the table, but instead relish my position as scape-goat. I finish my MBA in the Spring and G is back to trying to talk me into staying at home until that happens. I feel like there is something I am meant to be doing and maybe I will find clarity once I am done with my Masters program.

For now, I am trying to not scratch what itches.