No Black Friday for This Girl

Black Friday has never interested me. Retailers cannot give me enough of a discount to get up early enough to make it to the 4am opening and interact with thousands of bargain shoppers. Not to put too fine of a point on it, but I am not a big fan of the general public and giving them license to act like complete animals is icing on that cake. Not to mention the fact that I am a tad claustrophobic. And who stampedes into a WalMart with such force that you take a man's life?

So instead, I started the day with bagels from Einstein, lattes from Starbucks, and a trip to the local Sunflower Farmers Market and King Soopers with my Little.

I bought the Clean Eating Diet Cookbook and love the recipes I am seeing in there. My mother often jokes that she had a ceste pool rather than a gene pool and suffers from all sorts of malidies that I am sure can be staved off by some clean eating. Of course, she spent years as an alcoholic, smoked for more than 30 years, did not exercise until recently, drinks coffee from the time she gets up until she goes back to bed, and eats mayonaisse on everything from sandwiches to fruit to potato chips.

So, my first order of business is to wrap my head around what it means to eat clean and then work up the courage to give up coffee as a staple in my diet. I guess I should start walking around with a warning label.

Thanksgiving 2008

So my Thanksgiving was surprisingly pleasant. The boys left early for their Mom's house and Little spent the night at my Mom's house with my parents, my Grandmother, my brother, and my Aunt. So with the kids all gone, I got to sleep in, spend a lazy morning watching the parade, drinking coffee, and going for a walk with G and the dogs. The boys met us at 2 and we headed East.

Little was so happy to see us and showed everyone the Christmas Village she got to set up with her Bubbi (that is what she calls my mother). Little showed off the lipstick Mimi (my Grandmother - and yes, I made up that name for her) shared with her, she just loves make-up. And I opened up the first bottle of wine. I am not sure if it was the wine (of course I am in charge of selecting the wine, brought plenty, and none of it was boxed as was suggested when I asked for preferences), or if something was genuinely different, but the conversation was nice, dinner was neither late nor dry and cold, and my brother was on his best behavior and quiet.

So I have to wonder if my family has gotten the less than subtle message I have sent by limiting my exposure to them. It has been months since they have seen any of us, including my Little, and so there was conversation and appreciation. My brother got a little pissed that I would not help out in the kitchen, but Mom and I have a strict rule about entering our kitchens. In fact, I do not allow her in mine as I do things differently than she does and so it is the best way to keep some peace between us. She does Thanksgiving and I do Christmas. It is sad that we have to work so hard to keep the peace between us, but that is how it is. We never had a strong foundation and so there is nothing stable from which to build on. We do the best we can, but not everyone understands that we have to do our relationship in a certain way.

My grandmother was amazingly charming and festive. The last time we saw her, she was the Southern belle version of nasty to G and I. My fear was she would hate the color of my hair, how long it is, my lack of make-up, that I quit my corporate job for one in the service industry, the way my teenage boys dress, talk, etc, the way I raise my daughter, or my weight - which is admittedly out of control right now. She only hit one of these topics by telling me all about her success with Jenny Craig and let me tell you, my Grandmother weighs 127 pounds soaking wet - I will give you three guesses as to where in the world I got my warped relationship with food and a normal sense of body health - and the the first two guesses don't count!

Sabotage Part II

Sabotage is what I do best. G says that I have a fear of success. I am wondering if I fear success or if I feel like success is something that I really don't deserve. Or maybe it is a combination of the two. This was part of my epiphany from last night. I am not depressed or melancholy or feeling sorry for myself, but this is the path I am going down when I am truly introspective.

So now I have to decide how much of this is true, real, genuine, what to do to get past it, and how to move forward given my propensity for being driven. It could be possible that I have lost my drive, but could that really be the case?

Sabbotage Part I

I had an epiphany thanks in part to the Biggest Loser and some much wasted time on Facebook - which is the devil. If you watch TBL, then you know that Amy had a prime opportunity to send Vicky packing, which is what she should have done - especially since Vicky was the deciding vote in sending Amy home this week. Which leads you down the road to the finale and what if that vile Vicky is in the final four, or ugh gasp, wins the damn contest. So the epiphany came when I thought to the one decision that has changed the game for the duration, no matter the outcome. So, the logical place you go when you are trying to deal with regret is the one decision that changed the path of your life. Now of course, there are other decisions that you make along the way, but I know the exact decision it was. Back story would help, of course, but suffice it to say that I did not have a relationship with my parents that filled my buckets and gave me a solid platform. My immaturity and need for attention got in my way more often than not.

It was my freshman year and I was asked to "go out" with two different boys. One was my true love, my first boyfriend, and the boy who broke my heart the year before. The other was an older boy, a senior in high school, and the best way to make the love of my life crazy jealous. It was just a matter of time before he would open up, express his teenage love for me, and all would be well in Sweet Valley High. I guess I was the only one who was shocked that it did not happen that way. Instead, I continued down a path of men not right for me. Looking to fill a void that got larger and larger with each ridiculous relationship. Most of them were continued, but failed attempts at winning back the love of my life. If he were to actually talk to me, he would probably tell me that I was more into him than he was to me, or that my attempts to make him jealous is what drove him away. I, in one way or another, sabotaged the relationships that meant the most to me and they are not the ones that might be obvious to those looking from the outside.

Blathering

Ahhh, a short week. Just when I get frustrated beyond my ability to cope, the powers that be listen to me and just because someone else is taking credit for my good ideas does not mean that the powers that be are not ultimately listening to me, right? Besides it is blatantly obvious that the ideas are not original to those actually boasting about them. Change is happening and change is good. I just need to put my hands in my pockets and keep my staff steady as she goes. Ahhh, it is a short week.

A Serious Start to my Saturday.

I spent three hours this morning at a Safe Child conference to learn how to keep my child safe from Sexual Predators. Being that I sold IT Security and Data Forensics for many years, I know that these people exist, I know the statistics, and I know the warning signs. What I did not know before this morning was how that translates to educating my Little. And now I know. And I have already begun to educate my Little and will continue to do so until she is married.

Don't You Love When Someone Else Washes Your Hair?

It takes me three hours to get my haircut. And by haircut, I mean highlights too. I am bi-polar in that I get dark pieces highlighted into my hair in the summer and light pieces highlighted into my hair in the winter. I do not like my hair too anything at the time in which it is too something.
So, I get my hair done at one of the most influence hair institute in the nation - or so they say.
It just takes so long, but I think it is wholly worth it. I always feel young, fresh, and sassy when I leave. The best part, outside of the long head massage while washing out the color, is that I can walk in without a pre-conceived notion and walk out with something fabulous. Three hours or not, I love hair days!