Sabbotage Part I

I had an epiphany thanks in part to the Biggest Loser and some much wasted time on Facebook - which is the devil. If you watch TBL, then you know that Amy had a prime opportunity to send Vicky packing, which is what she should have done - especially since Vicky was the deciding vote in sending Amy home this week. Which leads you down the road to the finale and what if that vile Vicky is in the final four, or ugh gasp, wins the damn contest. So the epiphany came when I thought to the one decision that has changed the game for the duration, no matter the outcome. So, the logical place you go when you are trying to deal with regret is the one decision that changed the path of your life. Now of course, there are other decisions that you make along the way, but I know the exact decision it was. Back story would help, of course, but suffice it to say that I did not have a relationship with my parents that filled my buckets and gave me a solid platform. My immaturity and need for attention got in my way more often than not.

It was my freshman year and I was asked to "go out" with two different boys. One was my true love, my first boyfriend, and the boy who broke my heart the year before. The other was an older boy, a senior in high school, and the best way to make the love of my life crazy jealous. It was just a matter of time before he would open up, express his teenage love for me, and all would be well in Sweet Valley High. I guess I was the only one who was shocked that it did not happen that way. Instead, I continued down a path of men not right for me. Looking to fill a void that got larger and larger with each ridiculous relationship. Most of them were continued, but failed attempts at winning back the love of my life. If he were to actually talk to me, he would probably tell me that I was more into him than he was to me, or that my attempts to make him jealous is what drove him away. I, in one way or another, sabotaged the relationships that meant the most to me and they are not the ones that might be obvious to those looking from the outside.