Living with a Narcissist

I called my mother to let her know that "Little" was coming over on Saturday to spend the night. Unfortunately, that little task established a window for her to ask about my life so that she could criticize, give unsolicited advice, and revel in the fact that she is on higher ground than I at his particular moment. And can I tell you, she had no idea that 1) it was my wedding anniversary and 2) that I have been married for four years. Anyhow. Let's discuss.

My mother is one of those people who has ailments of various kinds, depending on how much attention she will garner from it. Case in point, when I was in high school, and at the height of her alcoholism, she would come home from the bar before my father and sit on the couch smoking cigarettes and crying. In reality she was crying because she was drunk, Dad would not come home when she wanted him to come home, and I think at that point she knew he was sleeping with her friends, but her story was that she had bleeding ulcers and the doctors said she could die. I actually felt guilty because I thought well, if you are going to die, please just do it so that I can have some peace. Actually, come to think of it, I am not sure I felt guilty about my feelings then.

Now, at the age of 56, she is too old for anything she does not want to do and instead of saying she does not want to do it, she just says she is too old and too tired. So I make sure I keep that in my pocket so that I can throw it out at her anytime she thinks she wants to do something in relation to my daughter that I do not want her to do. Works both ways Mother.

The other thing to know about Dear old Mom is that she does not want her children to be happier, smarter, more successful than she. My husband and I bought a very large house in 2003 that we built with every upgrade that the builder offered, including the largest lot in the neighborhood. Business was good and we had some family issues on his side that led us to believe that we would need room for a parent, plus we had the two boys to consider. Well it is 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms and sits on 17,000 square feet. The landscaping has cost us more than we will have to pay for the boys to go to college, including room & board, and we still have 1/3 of the yard incomplete. So, it is time consuming, costly, and now that the boys are in high school, too big for the three of us. We called G's parents and said, we are selling the house because of and laid out what I described in my previous statement. They said (and mind you that they are in their 70's, on a fixed income, and he is the only one with retirement), are you two ok, we know you love that house, are you in financial trouble, can we send money, etc. Supportive! My mother said, well I told you not to buy a house that big/expensive and you are not going to sell it in this market at that price and trying to keep it clean during the sales process is so hard, but we have all had to do it. You know when I was - blah blah blah.........
You get the idea.