Say What You Need To Say

So I have off and done it. And by it, I mean made a total jackass of myself. In keeping with the first boyfriend theme, let me just say that I am so overly done with people not saying what they need to say to one another. That was our problem all along - we never just said you are the one for me or I am crazy about you or I enjoy spending time with you. Someone who knew us both said to me on Friday: "I still cannot believe that you two did not end up together!". Yes ,well.

WHAT DID YOU DO? is probably what you are asking by this point - I shot off the sober/email version of a drunk dial. Closure. I was looking for closure - what I got was torment. The adjective best used for our ongoing relationship - TORMENT. Over the weekend, I watched Hitch. Seriously, this is a theme. There is a boy (and when I say boy, let me point out he is only 4 years younger than I am) in my office that does the same thing, or at least, that is my perception. And I do not understand it. I talk in circles at times because I am not clever enough to relay what I am feeling or trying to say, but both of these men are intelligent, clever, mindful people. TORMENT

I love my three year old because she says whatever is on her mind. There is no filter. So, yesterday I took some direction from her and told my husband exactly where I am in our relationship right now, which I am sure hurt his feelings, but prompted change immediately.
He said the greatest thing I have ever been the recipient of after I told him I was not in love with him right now. "Unfortunately, I am passionate about and in love with you and I say unfortunately because otherwise we could split and outside of custody, this would be a business transaction". I am not a catch and I realize this. I am difficult, I realize this, but from now on I am going to say what I need to say.