This is only interesting to me I am sure!

So in my quest to find my faith and spirituality, it has been suggested to me more than once that I consider going to church. So my "Little" and I went off to the 11am service today. As apparent by this posting, I did not burst into flames. However, I did sit in the back for a quick getaway at the first sign of lightening, or in case anyone could see the word Fraud on my forehead in scarlet red. Instead, "Little" and I were given a gift bag as guests that contained information on the organization and a loaf of pumpkin bread. We are Methodist, so the children attend to a certain point and then are directed to their appropriate classrooms for a Sunday school type environment. Everyone was lovely, though I was nervous by those wanting to strike up a conversation at the conclusion and sit with me for coffee. I found this to be curious as I have never met a stranger and chat people up like I am trolling for a "good time". I am pretty sure it goes back to my self-conscience tendency and feeling like a fraud in this type of environment. Like really, what right do I have to enter a church, shake hands with the faithful, and sing hymns that I have never heard before.

The Pastor/Reverend (?) did give a sermon that struck me though. He was pursuing his Masters Degree in Theology and was told that the group would largely call upon their experiences of faith. He felt worried because he had never seen the light or heard God's voice or been blind and made to see. Which is my very concern - I have talked to people who have had these experience, but I am not one of them. Eventually, he was made to realize that God talked to him in different ways, but that is why he is a man of God.

So I am seriously not sure how I feel about all of this. The Biologist in me wants to talk about evolution, while the religious believe in creation. Maybe I can remain loyal to the biology and establish my own faith and spirituality that guides me in better directions than I have followed in the past. I read a book by Melody Beattie called More About Letting Go. It is a book geared more towards addicts, but there is a lot about faith, spirituality, and taking control of your own life. It offers daily readings and has some activities to complete to get you thinking. My point is that today's entry talked about faith/religion and asked how do you know when to let go and have faith in a situation, when do you hand off the baton to God, and when do you say, this part if my responsibility? Being that I do not have the bright light or the voice of God in my ear and cannot see the ways in which I am directed, I cannot answer this question. Does that mean I am 100% in control of my life and have nothing etched out in the way of destiny? Maybe I will watch Sex in the City instead!