How Do You Paste Your Eyes Shut?

By reading Bright Lights, Big Ass by Jennifer Lancaster (http://www.jennsylvania.com/). Seriously, if you are not reading her books and her blog - well, what the hell ARE you doing? I continue to turn people on to her and everyone loves her - with the exception of my husband and my dogs, all three of which I have chased out of the room, off the couch/bed, or woken up with my incessant laughter. My big problem right now is that her next book will not be released until May!

So before all the funny happened, I spent some time reviewing 2007. I did so because my life is really different than it was and G asked me to write down what the difference was so that I could refer to it if things start to unravel again.

• I begin my new position on the 28th of this month and I am so damn excited. The job is not perfect (A LOT less money & paid on an hourly rate, A LOT more management than I am used to), but it is within a hospital that I have always loved (Level One trauma/indigent care hospital downtown), has great benefits - including tuition reimbursement, and is the 1st step towards my career transformation process. The hours are early, but allow me the opportunity to hit the gym before I have to pick up Chloe and still gives me time to make healthy meals in the evening.
• I am in love with my husband and enjoy his company. This is huge as I was sure I was on the verge of divorce last year and very ready to become a single mother. So much so, I ultimately destroyed what was becoming a meaningful friendship with someone important to me by creating a happily ever after and romanticizing what could have been, could be, in my mind to get away from the reality of what was happening in my real-life relationship. So if you are still reading, please realize I made a mistake, I could not be more sorry about that, and I hope you are happy with the changes you have made.
• I have been working out with a trainer a couple of times a week, have an appointment with a nutritionist at the end of the week, and am eating breakfast on a regular basis.
• This year will resolve us getting out of this massive house and into something that we can manage, and that makes me very happy.
• I have made the decision to take a vacation this year and that means I am happy.

So this may not make sense to any of you, but I am happy and really that is what matters to me. Being happy. So much so, I have had these bizarre feelings I have never had before...I want another baby. Yes, I said it. No, I am not going to act on it any time soon, or at all for several reasons. First off, G is turning 46 in August, has had the "procedure", and already has children turning 19, 16, & 4 this year, and I am starting a new job, wanting to finish school - move onto an advanced degree program, and will be moving to a new home in March/April. Busy, Busy, Busy.

So I am reading the book Jillian Michaels wrote (Winning By Losing) and she suggests setting goals and rewards. The categories are:

• Long-Term Goals/Long-Term Rewards
• Monthly Goals/Monthly Rewards
• Weekly Goals/Weekly Rewards
• Daily Goals/Daily Rewards

I am going to figure out what these are for me and then how I can post them on this blog and will do so. I am open for suggestions, so drop me a line!

Caution: Politics On Board

Reality television is starting to get to me, like everyone else is doing it and maybe I should too, but then I am getting really annoyed by the constant Iowa Caucus interruptions. First of all, where the hell did Mike Huckabee come from? WOW! Secondly, we do not care, nor are we surprised that the Fire Department had to throw the Democrats out of their space because they broke fire codes, and of course, the Republicans would give them their space - that my friends, is how we roll! Why I need the constant break ins to learn that Obama is still in the lead with Billary and Edwards coming up in the rear is beyond me. Is anyone surprised that Obama is in the lead? One word people - Oprah! She will see to it that he is the Democratic candidate.

So my husband was trying to aggravate me this morning about the whole thing. By this thing, I mean that Oprah was backing Obama, the black candidate, rather than the female candidate. This annoyed me for a couple of reasons - I do think that we are ready for the first female candidate, but Billary is not the right candidate. We need a woman that is strong, forth-right, has a strength of conviction, and would kick her husband's ass out of the house if he cheated on her once - more or less a number of times, with a number of women. And a blow job in the Office - Oh hell no. He'd be my bitch! Billary is weak and blows with the wind. Definitely not a leader! I also believe that Oprah likes Obama for his political beliefs and would like to believe that she did not jump on board due to his race, call me naive. As a Republican, I sincerely hope that Obama is the Democratic candidate as this will secure the White House for the Republican party for another four years. I am not confident that Mike Huckabee is the candidate I want there, but I do know that I have been to the deep south enough times to know that the people would not be keen on a President of color. Not my beliefs, but that generation and those beliefs have not yet died out. No matter what, I will be happy to see the Clintons go home!

Day One

So I have been thinking a lot about my resolutions and of course, you can come up with the natural list - lose more weight, put more money into a retirement fund, save the world, etc. I have had that same list of resolutions forever. And I have failed miserably. I am an all or nothing kind of girl. I cannot be ok to create small realistic milestones to achieve, that is until now. I am resolving to gain a consistency in my life. I am going to live one day at a time and strive to eat and eat well, exercise, and not kill myself to get things done. I will work hard at putting together a schedule and adhering to that schedule as well as allowing time for unexpected happenings. I resolve to treat myself fairly and with kindness and recognize the fact that I am one person that cannot do the join of more than one person. I will pick my battles with myself, my husband, and my "Little" and attempt to release the need for the control that I feel I must maintain. I will love those that I love and not apologize for it. I will remain neutral towards toxic relationships and not allow myself to get charged. I will memorize, recite, and live the Serenity prayer and learn to recognize the things I cannot control. I am so looking forward to 2008 and all the happiness, lessons, and life the year offers me.

Best Wishes to you and yours. I hope you find all that you are looking for and remain safe and healthy.

Letters to 2007 & 2008

Dear Old Man 2007,

I wish I could say that I am sorry to see you leave, but instead, I am offering to pack your bags, call you a cab, and shut the door the minute you have stepped foot out of my house. You have been a rude, unattractive, stressful house guest and one that I hope not to see for a long time to come. Your year has been chocked full of stress, strain, lack of focus, and bad decisions. It has been a time of back steps and back slides rather than moving forward and ahead. You have seen the worst in me and very little of the optimism, love, laughter, and drive that I am so capable of. We were not meant to be together and so finally, with all the excitement I can muster, I am moving on.

Dear Baby New Year,

I feel like I have been waiting on you for the full 12 months of 2007. You bring so much change and new beginnings to my life. We come together with a new job in a new industry, there will be a new house, and there is a new & wonderful relationship in my marriage, my daughter will go to kindergarten and my son to college. There will be difficulties and sadness, but I am hopeful that there will be progress and consistency. I am looking forward to all that you offer to my life.

Here's to you kid,

CScott

I am working on resolutions, but in the meantime, read Jennifer Lancaster's entry about hers - it is hilarious (www.jennsylvania.com)
I read Jocelyn's blog this morning as well. If you do not read her, you should! (www.ilovepauljack.com)

See you on the flip side!

Ok, enough with the snow.

This has been the best Christmas ever. Of course, I said that last year, but this year my "Little" is a month from turning four and really gets it this year. Santa was great to her and she actually hugged her CD player. So I am happy, really happy and content and things are going my way in small doses. So the really question is when will the other shoe drop and what type of shoe will it be? A black strappy high heel sandal? The most perfect snake skin kitten heel, a Franco Sarto knee high black leather pointy toed high heeled boot, or a crimson patent leather flat? Or will it be the Sorrel snow boot variety? I am trying to keep my optimistic outlook, but you know- we have had a really rough few years, so I realistic. But maybe we have paid our dues and things will get - I hate to say it, easier!

So "Little" and I went to see Enchanted yesterday. She is out of school for the week and G is working to finish a project at work that will go live after the 1st of the year. It was a great feel good movie and had Patrick Dempsey in it - which can never hurt! We did a little shopping, had lunch - thank Ruby Tuesdays for turkey burger minis (yum), and spent the day being girls together. Susan Sarandon played the evil witch and did such a great job, though she was a tad over the top. I recommend it if you love Happily Every After Disney Princess movies.

I am getting a little stir crazy in the house as it snowed all day on Christmas and then again today. I am not getting as much exercise as I wanted to get and will pay for it when my trainer gets back - Lord help me! I am tracking my steps though, or lack there of with the weather.

I plan to write a letter to Baby New Year and Old Man 2007 at some point, so watch for that.....
By the way, if you are not reading Jennsylvania and Ilovepauljack, make it a resolution to do so. I laugh my ass off every time I visit these talented girls.

It's A Jolly Holiday With Mary

I love the holidays......ABC Family runs Mary Poppins during the holidays. Who does not love Mary Poppins? Dick Van Dyke is a blundering idiot and as my "Little" says, Julie Andrews has such a "pretty voice". Plus, Mary Poppins schools a bunch of men, although cartoons, and wins the horse derby. Girlz Rule!

In other news, I saw The Golden Compass and have to say that I liked it. I had no intention of seeing it, had no idea that it was a three book series, and would not have paid any attention had the Catholic church not made such an issue. So that I am perfectly clear let me plainly state that most anything the Catholics ask people to ban, boycott, etc, I am participating in - as long as I can maintain moral integrity. So here is what I find funny....The church is upset that a book written by an atheist has been made into a movie and if it does well, the other two books will also be converted as well. As with all movies, there is a bad guy and in this case, the religious leaders are the evil doers. I am not sure how the dark side of the church is any different in this movie than it is in Robin Hood, The Three Musketeers - which has been made a number of times, or The Princess Bride, but maybe it is that The Golden Compass was written by the atheist. But the church is sure that children that are allowed to see the movie, despite the fact that it is not a children's movie, will turn their backs on the religious institution. So it is not the fact that their Bishops continue to be charged on charges for raping young children that will turn the next generation off of the Catholic church, or the fact that the church continues to preach outdated doctrines, it is INSTEAD a movie that most people will mindlessly enjoy for ENTERTAINMENT purposes.

You have two ears and one mouth

Ok, this is what I have to say about interviewing: Talking about myself makes me feel arrogant and obnoxious. Like I get that it is my mission to make myself stand out from other potential candidates, but I am not a big ego type. What makes me such a great sales person is that I like to listen to others. If you shut your mouth long enough, people will tell you what they need, what their concerns are, and why they are talking to you in the first place. It is hard to hear all of that if you are constantly talking at people. I always get the question, "are you self-confident and assertive". Yes, I am both - especially when it comes to business. What I am not is an over-bearing, demanding ego-maniac. The best question I had was "What do you think is worth standing up and fighting for?" WOW - bravo to whomever came up with that one. My answer: Freedom, Human Rights, and the Safety of Children. I tell my husband often that in any other country, I would have been stoned to death long ago! God Bless America!

P.S. God Bless Jocelyn for admitting that she too watches Run's House. So maybe I am just the right kind of crazy!