6 am on Saturday

I had so much to add to my love what you do and the rest will come verbiage, however, I was so tired last night, I could barely think. The most obscene thing about this is that I am now up at 6 am on a Saturday morning, blogging and watching Lilo & Stich with my Little, and drinking apple juice. I am still too tired to be interesting, but had a great day yesterday.



Some backstory - I stepped on the toes of an executive staff member and his employees were furious with me. So move forward two weeks to my meeting with him and I am nervous. First of all, I want something from him that will require him to trust me and Secondly, there is the business of me pissing off his staff. Of course, my intentions were good and I did it thinking that I had the authority to do so based on some miscommunication, but none of this I shared and instead decided to own the error so that I did not come off defensive.



My experience with this particular executive was insanely educational, inspirational, and like none other I have had in the past nine months. He wanted me to get to know him and he wanted to get to know me before we ever got to the meat of the agenda. Seriously, we went way beyond the half hour that was schedule, but I honestly could have hung out with him for a few more hours. In the end, I found more mentoring and another leader.

Love What You Do and the Rest Will Come....

I am still exhausted, but not feeling it as much as I should given I got up at 3:30 thanks to my Little and the dogs. I am pretty sure I have exercise to thank for that, but a little adrenaline and a latte in the morning helps I am sure. So I am conflicted. I am trying to maintain my new public servant budget, but I am pretty sure on a dietetic scale, a sugar free vanilla skim milk latte is better for me than black coffee with french vanilla creamer. I am ready to move from a grande to a tall, so really the cost is minimal. Please weigh in on this if you have an opinion!!

Tomorrow morning is the executive staff presentation of our event results and I am a little nervous. I have been told our CEO is coming and I know that both the COO and the CFO will be present. My nerves come from the fact that this is my first event, I want the E-staff to be pleased with both our work and the results, including the positive financial impact this should have, and I want to show that I can add value to the organization with my participation in the Lean process. No pressure or anything.

One of my 20 yr old employees sat down to talk to me today as I have not really seen them this week. It was apparently obvious that I am tired and she mentioned it to me, encouraging me by talking about all the overtime I must be getting. She then realized I was salary and asked me about the bonus program, which we do not have. Jumping topics, she asked me if I ever get overwhelmed by my job. That is a great question because I am feel overwhelmed at times. It is not my job though. My job is fairly simple and I think that I have become a competent Supervisor. I have a lot of tasks that the other Supervisors do not as I have more employees than one and more responsibility than the other. So where I start feeling overwhelmed is when I have to be two Supervisors, the manager, and the Director all in one. I told her that I make it through each task and each day through the love of my job and that I was so impressed by the employees that work for me. You have to love what you do and the rest will come.

A Step Forward....

I am satisfyingly exhausted tonight. I have done good work and I have physically exhausted my body through good work and exercise. My daughter had an outrageous fit this evening, and I was a great Mommy. It sounds like everything is coming up roses, but I have had some very frustrating moments that required me to breathe.

I have passion and I have anger. Sometime the two get blurred into one big emotion. I want my passion to drive me and inspire me. I want my anger to subside and dissipate into a puddle of waste. I often think about the regret I feel and the issues I have surrounding my failure to be what I wanted to be and to have the life I thought I should/would have and if I can let go of that I can have the life that I can build for myself without the baggage I currently have.

Voting Day, But I Don't Have Control Over It

I smiled as I walked across the hospital campus today. My day started by explaining the words problematic and systems to my daughter. If you have ever had a curious child, then you know how difficult and comical it is to try to define words like this is. Driving in, I chose to ignore the political discussions and shut off the radio altogether when they announced the polls had opened.

So off to my event I went with coffee in hand, eager to get down and dirty, and work for change. I smiled because of the opportunity of the day, but also because of the beauty of the campus, the weather, and the hospital.

I am not smiling tonight though. I am also trying to not be annoyed. OK, I have to carry my Little to bed now.

How Does A Walrus Walk?

The funniest thing: my daughter showed me how a walrus walks. It was wicked clever. She made a necklace today and showed me the girl bead. She tried tomatoes on her sandwich, but decided she did not like them after all, but she tried them. I am teaching her to ride her bike and we went around the block while I walked the dogs. Our neighbors had their trash cans out for tomorrow morning and so she had to place her trust in me to help her go down the sidewalk and then up again and she told me that she trusted me - which felt great. Today I am in awe of the wonders of being the Mommy of a 4 yr old. I love and adore her and miss her when I am not with her.

I had a great day all around. Yeah me.....

Boys are Dumb!

I was so anxious yesterday and thought about sitting down to write to see if that helped, but alas I could not sit still long enough. My day started with ballet for Little and then was supposed to be errands and maybe that is why I felt creepy crawly all day. Of course, the 10 pounds of Halloween candy I consumed could have contributed to me climbing the walls, but I am a stress eater, so I have go back to the idea that something was actually wrong.

I hate when I get to this point and despite my daughter's fit and my husband's stupidity, I do not think I actively took my nerves out on either one of them. That being said, I am getting really tired. I am tired of making dinner, I am tired of laundry, I am tired of arguing with a 4 yr old person, and I am tired of having to explain things to my husband that he should be smart enough to either understand or not admit when he does not.

The worse part is that he will actually try to turn his inadequacies into my short-comings and blame me for his inabilities. I find this both funny and annoying, though presently, I am annoyed and have been since I went to bed last night.

As my best friend says Boys are dumb!

2 Witches In My House

I am one of those Mommy's that would be just fine putting her child into a bubble in which no one could hurt her and she would never scrape her knee. So the thought of my Little running from house to house yelling trick or treat was not ideal for this scenario. My heart stopped every time someone answered the door, especially if it was a man. She was with a group of girls and both G and I were there along with both sets of the girl's parents, so I felt a little better about that. My Little had such a good time and in all honesty, this is the first year she has really wanted to trick or treat, so I relaxed a bit. Then this morning, I read that a little boy was shot to death and his cousin injured as they walked up to a house last night. All of a sudden, my crazy does not seem so much so anymore!

My biggest success? For the first time in 10 years, my husband gave out candy to the little ghouls and gobblins that came to our door. Baby steps!