I was fearful of today, but have been so busy (we opened our brand new Pediatric Emergency Department and our new CEU registration area) that I allowed September 11th to sneak up on me. I always struggle with this day because I still feel as though we should not be so cavalier and "business as usual" when so many men, women, children, and first responders lost their lives through the actions of cowards. I am still so angry and sad and mad and patriotic about the whole thing. Luckily, the world was quiet and I did not have a moment to revel in it.
Unfortunately for me, I have a couple of things going on that are kind of controlling me rather than me being able to control them. First of all, I am on medication that has a side effect of aggression. I am striving to not go off the deep end, but I get frustrated easily and I can hear it in my voice. There is a man that works with me that really works hard to keep me even and does more for me than I can describe in one blog, but he does get days off and I am pretty sure he did his best to hide from me today. Who could blame him really? Secondarily, I suffer from migraines and have since I was a child. They get so bad that my entire head throbs, I get extremely short tempered, and I will eventually throw up if I don't lay down in a cold, dark, quiet room. I have had two of them this week, which may be from dehydration or stress. Take your pick.
So here something I do not understand and I am looking for comments. I went to work for a woman that I thought would make a tremendous mentor for me. I have tried my hardest to make her look good within the organization and rarely, if ever, take credit for the things I have done to make her successful. I was the first person to get certified through NAHAM, read the policies and procedures for the organization, promoted within my first 90 days, and now have been asked to be a member of the next Black Belt class after only 7 months of employment. (A side note is that it took my boss three years to be offered a spot and then, I have been told, she was an alternate). Ok, all of this success and you would think she would love it. Oh Contrare - She has resigned and told us today that she would not recommend any of us for her position, furthermore, she went on to say that none of us would promote beyond Manager because the organization will not promote to the Director level from within. She went on to say other things, but every time she said something that she thought would insight me, she looked at me, so much so that others mentioned it to me afterwards. I am amazed by the fact that she wishes me such ill will and hopes that I lack success - even though I have put her in a position to take credit for my success. Amazing! Thoughts?
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2 comments:
Any reaction in that form, is always a fear based reaction, or a reaction of realization for ideas such as 'I let myself get comfortable, I quit trying, I got complacent'. None of those thoughts you can control, you can only control what you are doing and how you act and react. Sometimes, being how you were, not taking credit for something, is worse for some people than actually taking credit. They realize on any given day you are perhaps a much better person than they are. You are doing everything you are supposed to do, and everything you would do, being the person you are. Those are my comments on that situation, but to me that is not the situation where your focus should be. You are at this moment more concerned about something going on with someone that you can not control rather than being concerned about whatever you can control, which is what is going on with you. I don't know the history of what is going on internally so pardon me if I speak out of turn, but reactions such as the ones your body is having at this moment, are always huge red flags that you are doing, or aren't doing something you should or shouldn't be doing and you should be paying more attention to that.
Take care of yourself my lovely friend.... I am always first and foremost more concerned with you than the world around you.
Sometimes I tend to lose the forest from the trees. Comments like yours are both helpful and bring my feet back to the ground. Thank you!
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