Rose For Me

I got roses today...A dozen long stemmed perfect red roses that I do not deserve. My husband appreciates me and has told me so twice in less than 24 hours. He feels close to me and loves where we are in our relationship. I love him too and appreciate him and love where we were in our relationship before I found myself having a panic attack last night. So we were getting ready for bed and G started talking about rock climbing. Apparently Little has told him that she would like to try it and he would like to take her. I am afraid of heights and that pertains to anyone, not just myself. So G thought it was funny that I was beginning to lose my mind, but obviously did not realize that talking about sky-diving and other risky thrill type adventures ceased to be funny before he went down that road. He thought I was playing when I told him that he had his own kids to do that kind of crap with and that Little was mine. He thought I was kidding when I told him that she would not sleep under the stars in the mountains because of wild animals and bugs. He thought I was kidding until I burst into tears and then worked my way into a full blown panic attack unable to breath and shaking. At that point, he tried logic, which back-fired. I was beyond logic, I was in a place I could not easily get out of.

Today, he is so sad that he had anything to do with my episode and wanted me to know that he would never put Little in a dangerous situation and would never let anything happen to her. I explained to him that it is not about the situations that we can control that worry me, it is the ones that we cannot.