Tri As I Might

Tonight was book club night and I was a little hesitant to "come out" with my friends. I hate any indication that I might be feeble, weak, or infirm - which is bizarre considering I love to take care of my friends when they might be the slightest bit ill. Anyhow, we had it at a dear friend's house, but she ordered Maggiano's take-out. Not for this girl - I took a salad, tilapia, cantaloupe, and a protein bar. While they sipped on fragrant red wine, I drank more water and enjoyed my friends. Normally, I feel rushed and anxious about the dinner part and the paying part and the eating and whatever, but tonight, I was able to enjoy the conversation and the company. In talking to G on the way home, he asked if I felt like I had missed out on something, did I feel deprived and though I would have liked a glass of wine, I honestly don't feel like my experience was altered in any way. I am truly and genuinely happy to have had what I had, which was just enough.

In other news, a 2 yr old came into our Peds ED today after being backed over by a car. Because of my loss, I am un-usually hypersensitive to small children being critically injured and find myself crying, eating chocolate, or in a funk for periods of time after an incident. Not today, today I was appropriately sympathetic and appropriately touched by the situation, but I remained intact and capable. I did not feel overly solemn or affected. I was able to deal with what it was, the mother, the Police, my clerks, and move on. It felt great and I feel like I might have a chance at being a normal person without bad habits.

Now that I am becoming healthy - body, mind, and spirit - I am hopeful that I can translate my new found zen and ability to eat one day at a time to an ability to exercise one day at a time and in a reasonable way. In our last episode, our heroine was expecting to get on the treadmill and run 10 minute miles after a long hiatus from exercise and many pounds added. In reality, I am going to try to exercise 5 times between now and next Tuesday - and I am going to allow brisk walks with the dogs count, no matter how short the distance or duration. Every activity in which I put on my running shoes, will count and I will be satisfied with just enough. Of course, my friends are talking me into the Tri for the Cure and I am just tempted to bite. Old habits die hard and too much change at once is not good for anyone!