I am down again and I am not sure if I am down or frustrated or tired or a combination of all of them. I have made some bad decisions this week with my diet and I think I am paying for it today. I have a headache and a body ache and I feel like I deserve it because I did not do the right thing. I am not going to beat myself up about it, but it continues to validate the fact that if I eat right then I do and feel so much better than if I do not.
Work is frustrating right now and I am trying to power through it. I find such inspiration from our CEO and a few other people, but the morale is down every where on campus. I am grateful to have a job and I know that we will all come through this intact - or at least I am hopeful this is all true. But for now, it is painful and there are a lot of painful things happening every day.
So I had a conversation with one of my very best friends last week about closure. I have a relationship in my life that is quirky and complicated and not 100% authentic, which is out of character for me and yet something I feel so adamant about holding onto. I need validation and connection and as dysfunctional as it is, I cannot let go and worse of all, I cannot explain it. Except that I do not have closure. It is a relationship that fades in and out, comes and goes - there is no discussion about it. There is no hostility or disagreement to end it and there is no where it is going to go. Closure - it is an odd thing!
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