Saturday, January 24, 2009
Just Know That I Am Sorry and Not Crazy...
Apparently my previous outburst was unwarranted and stemmed from a misunderstanding on my part. I thought that someone was making fun of me and I hate being made fun of when I do not quite get the joke. The whole incident was proof positive that I still hang on to some of my insecurities, which sucks. From another perspective it may look like I am self-centered and egotistical, but I guarantee that is not the case. It is more the in-lying question as to whether or not I was ever really cared for by someone who means so much to me. Then there is the question as to why the relationship holds so much charge for me still. I know the answer, but no one has ever asked the question and I am not sure it could be understood by anyone else.
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2 comments:
why? I'm asking the question.
There is something about the first person who sees you and talks to you like you matter, especially when you have a home life that is so unbalanced and unstable. There is something about the person that lets you put your head in their lap on a warm summer night and not worry about anything other than being in the car, driving away from the house that contains craziness. There is something about the person who drops everything and comes running when your baby dies, comes to the funeral that you can barely remember, and then rescues you from the house in which your parent's friends are getting drunk and stoned while you are suffering alone. There is something about that person that you cannot let go of and will always wonder why someone would put that much of themselves into making you ok. That person is then associated with stability and comfort. Does any of that make sense?
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